“Know What You Believe What are your values today with regard to your work and your career? Do you believe in the values of integrity, hard work, dependability, creativity, cooperation, initiative, ambition, and getting along well with people? People who live these values in their work are vastly more successful and more highly esteemed than people who do not. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will never include. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice. Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. There are so many ways to work in the Circle of Influence-to be a better listener, to be a more loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee. But whether she does or doesn’t, the most positive way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being. Hopefully, my wife will feel the power of proactive example and respond in kind.
I can focus on being a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control-myself.
My ability to positively impact the situation withers and dies. My criticism is worse than the conduct I want to correct. I also diminish my ability to influence her-my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only makes her feel validated in her own weakness. If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife’s sins? By saying I’m not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim I immobilize myself in a negative situation. “control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be, on what we are.
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